I received a very sad news from my dad. He said that my beloved cats were gone. Not one, but all three of them. All three of them were very close to me. And I cried, badly.
When people leave me. I am still okay with that. But I'm not when I lose my cats. I don't care if everyone leaves me behind. Because I already used with it. I can deal with it. But I'm not when I lose my cats.
I bet that mom will be quiet upset with dad, because he told me that the cat where gone. She tried her best to comfort me, tonight. She told me its almost 2 months the cat were gone. She explained me in details, what really happen. Yet, it still breaks my heart into a pieces.
I knew that she tried hard to protect me from broken into pieces. She doesn't want to disturb my study. Thank you, mom for your efforts. But, still...
Its not easy for me.
My attachment with my cats are very strong.
And the memories won't fade away that easy.
My stomach keep churning since yesterday. It was like there is a butterfly in there. I never felt something like this before. And that was my first time I feel so anxious, shy, scare, happy, nervous at the same time. My heart beats faster.
And how I wish I could feel like that during my prayer, my sujud and reciting al-Quran. It give me a big impact, when I think that way. How naive I am, when I could feel like that in front of other human being and not in front of Allah.
And I thought that yesterday was the end of it, but I was wrong. I still feel the same way after seeing you today. And I lose my appetite, I loss my focus during preparing for my quiz and I forgot how to do tracing during the quiz. Allah, You did know how hard I did tried to forget everything about dunya when I'm seeing You, and how easy You make me forget something when I saw him.
Still, I feel a burden in my heart. And yet, You won't test me if I cannot overcome this. You knew that my Iman is weak and You put me through this test. May You put this heart at ease, and may this heart does not being polluted by nafs. Amin.